therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
