So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
