Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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