Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
