just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
