What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
