There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
