Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
