I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
