Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
