I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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