Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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