just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
