The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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