i love accidental penises.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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