just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
