sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
