My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
