I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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