Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
