I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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