Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
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The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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