i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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