i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
