Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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