he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
