life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
