New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
