2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
