Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
