Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
