Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
