im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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