So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
