i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
