I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
