I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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