history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
