i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
