I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
