I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
