Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
