Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
