I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
