is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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