She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
