she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
false alarm, still single
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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