This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do