I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"