everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did