It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.