I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.