yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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