I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
