My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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