I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
