I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
