??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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