I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
