True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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