I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
