The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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