apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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