he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
