in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
