I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
