Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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